Ok, so i went to toys r us yesterday to buy some more gifts for my neice emily (who is seriously like the 5 yr old version of me). there were things about and in toys r us that pissed me off no end.

1)last summer (and i know this because toys r us is my favorite store and i go weekly) toys r us remodeled some of their aisles and switched a few aisles around. after this they claimed they were having "A GRAND RE-OPENING". i was pissed about that then, but it gets worse. so yesterday i went in again and finally their renovations were finished (again just some switching of aisles) and AGAIN they were claiming it was their "GRAND RE-OPENING"! when i got up to the register i said to the woman "let me ask you a question". she listened. "all you did was rearrange some aisles, am i right?" she nodded. "and you never actually closed down the store and stopped business, right?" she nodded and smiled, realizing what i was getting at. "so this is NOT A GRAND FUCKIN REOPENING AM I RIGHT?" and all she had to say to me was "hey, i just work here".

2) the baby doll aisle is very extensive and there are tons of selections to choose from. i became particularly fascinated by this one baby doll that was called "NewBorn Baby". the box went on and on to say that this toy simulated the real thing. it supposedly weighed what a newborn weighs, was the length of a real newborn and looked like a newborn. i picked the doll up and when i squeezed it, it said "Mama, Dada". WHAT FUCKIN NEWBORN CAN SAY MAMA, DADA?!

and finally...

3) there was this other baby doll who was wearing a onesy with teddy bears all over it, had a yellow bib, was a caucasian baby, and had in its arms a little teddy bear. what do you think the name of this toy was? "teddy bear baby" "baby teddy" "baby loves teddy"? NO! the mother fuckin thing was called "LITTLE CHOW CHOW"! little god damn fuckin chow chow! how do you explain this? how can anyone explain this? is this not the most fucked up shit you've ever heard? and i'm sitting there thinking, "this has to be a joke". i'm searching around to see if there were any of the same babies with DOGS or something, anything that would explain the "chow" and the "chow". but no. nothing. fruitless.

i left toys r us with a big wad of ice cream in my mouth and a headache.

2001-10-21, 6:13 p.m.
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