i never expected anything from you, but wait, now that's a lie. of course i did. i expected most everything from you- or rather i thought you were going to turn out to be everything i expected. you're so simple it's exhausting and you make me so frustrated i wind up masturbating myself silly just to get rid of all the negativity you bring to my blood stream. i hope you write that book some day like you promised and i hope the story of us has nothing to do with it. i am drugged up and homicidal and wishing you were in this state so i could eat you up and spit you out into a street sewer so your salivated on body parts would lie with all the shit you created just by being unavailable. i wish i could calm down over you. i wish i didn't care at all who you fucked or who you spent endless hours on the phone with; and why is it that i always somehow find out about all these other girls? i wonder if you know how much i like you and you are trying to distract me by telling me about everyone else you'd rather be with. you're certainly not worth my salt water; not the sweat i perspired in the midst of your thrusting and my moaning, nor the tears i refuse to cry over you. i've never preferred women over men, but you make me grateful i am not heterosexual. thank anne for other options.

2001-07-15, 8:02 p.m.
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