i came so hard that

i didn't even have energy for

a cigarette

and in a twist of events

i passed out

while he lay wide awake.

i was half unconscious

and half dreaming

and he told me

i must have been having nightmares;

my body was spasming.

after about an hour

or maybe 5 minutes

i woke up and felt confused.

he touched my hair

and asked what was wrong.

i said

"has your whole life ever

come down on you at once

where things are neither bad

nor good,

they're just changing,

and you're forced to endure

the emotional battle

at all costs

every minute of the day?"

it was a hard thing to

spit out at 4 am

and as vague as it was

it was so powerful

to get rid of.

he asked if that is what

has been going on with me

and i said yes.

one reason i love him

is because when tears stream down

my face over a dog

he just touches my knee

and let's it happen

without fixing it

or needing my tears to go away.

"i needed that orgasm" i said

"i released so much of that

all over you."

"i know," he put his hand on my stomach

"i felt it"

2003-07-26, 11:14 p.m.
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