i stumbled upon this tonight and later found out (from the author) that it's about me:

"you came to me. and i knew full well your intentions. i fought knowing full well i would lose. i cried and wracked my brain for reasons why. and in those brief moments, i no longer thought of her. i needed the pain you gave me. i learned how to sleep again. i learned how to eat again. and i learned how to be myself again."

it's really hard to hear and feel that you have the ability to make someone else feel pain. it is also hard to hear someone tell you they knew you would run from their love when you know full well all you wanted to do was to be able to love them as hard as you could. the above quote is written by a woman. a woman who once held strong emotional feelings for me and loved me effortlessly at the same time. a woman who knew that giving me that kind of love was crazy because my hands weren't meant to hold anything that precious; it was a ming vase and i was smashing it before it fell out of my hands. and a woman, who after all that, still wanted me around. and for this she is astounding, cosmic, and completely insane.

2001-11-07, 12:16 a.m.
design by bluechicken

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