I hate small talk. I hate talking about nonsensical bull shit just because it's customary. I hate people asking me about my major and telling me how something in their life is somehow related to it. "Oh you study opera performance? My aunt went to the opera once." I hate when people are supposedly happy and in love and when I talk to them I feel the need to say "how's your boyfriend?" "how's your fiance?". I would hope if I were in a relationship people would ask me more interesting questions than what the well being of my significant other was. I hate table manners and being polite. I'm not "lady like". That's my mother's favorite word. Tonight at dinner I burped, "Laura, that's not lady like". I hate pretending I am interested in what someone is saying when I'm not. I wish I could just say "you know I haven't been listening to you for the past 15 minutes and I really don't think I missed much." I hate pretending I heard someone say something when all I really heard was jumbled sounds. I hate when people completely ignore you or pay less attention to you when they get a boyfriend/girlfriend and then expect you to be there for them when they have a fight. I hate the idea that getting married and exploiting yourself on a wedding day is considered a good thing.

I should take a cue from the crazy, the lunatics, the mad- they have the key to life: do not do anything you don't want to. Say what you feel, do what you want, obey no one.

2001-05-22, 10:11 p.m.
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