Almost all of my friends have been unavailable for one reason or another for the past month or so. So really the only friend I am spending time with these days is Laura Walker, because of course I live with her.

Last night I was dying to get out of the house and go have some frozen yogurt at Friendly's, but Walker wasn't in the mood. Then she went into her room with her boyfriend and closed the door. The loneliness set it, until I remembered that being alone doesn't have to be a bad thing.

So I ran a bath and lit 6 candles and emerced myself in burning hot water and relaxed to the sounds of Miss Tori Amos. Then I went into my room and read some Jack Kerouac and wrote some important things in my journal.

Then I laid down on my amazingly cushiony bed and collapsed my head into the world's most comfortable pillows. I then wrapped my arms tight tight tightly around my big shaggy teddy bear (whose head has started to detach from his body) and I thought: "who needs a boyfriend when you've got this bear".

This is the longest I've been alone in over 2 years. Being single is just such an experience. It really makes you feel so much and so deeply. Instead of running to a guy when you're sad or lonely or depressed, you only have you to turn to. I don't think it's a coincidence that as I'm single all my friends aren't around to hang out. I'm sure I'm being tested- and I know I'm passing with flying colors.

2001-04-19, 10:45 a.m.
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