I recently found the Morphine Mix CD you made me and I've been listening to it incessantly. It's amazing how all those songs transport me back to all the memories they are equal to- that weekend in Boston and countless nights in our dorm rooms. What's funny is that whenever I remember back to you and I alone in the dorm rooms listening to Morphine everything is hazy and dizzying- almost like I'm remember nights where I was intoxicated. Of course I wasn't; maybe it was the music, maybe it was you. I know everything with us was a long time ago but it amazes me how much I forget until something triggers me back. I'd be interested to know what memories you've held on to. Are you able to remember things vividly or is it mostly a jumble of bed sheets, car rides and songs, like me? I have held on to 3 or 4 memories that are permanent and vivid and I could remember them under anesethia. After that, it would take a specific image or song to get me back there.

Sometimes I regret how crazy I was during that time and the fact that you don't really know "sane" Laura. I regret that we never got to smoke a joint together and just chill. I know I was the one who made things difficult and most of it was my fault. Yet, I'm simultaneously grateful for my mistakes with you because it led me to my life now.

There is just a part of me that will always remember us and cling to that simplistic and intense time we shared as two kids learning how to be grown ups as a defining part of my growth and my ability to love.


2009-07-22, 8:40 a.m.
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