i don't really write about my husband too much because i know how great he is but i forget to say it out loud sometimes. but being this is a "diary" or cataloguing of my life, i feel its important to mention the MOST important.

there is a certain part of me that feels as though i gave up my craziness in exchange for falling in love. i look back on who i was before him and i feel old. when we first met, i was the mess. now, no one is.

but its important to mention that my husband, james, changed my life. in his eyes i feel infallible, perfect. he accepts every essence of who i am or was, and comforts me when i feel lost. he is smart and funny and knows better than anyone (ever did) how to take care of me. he is my best friend.

we joke with one another. we plan our lives. i tell him i hate him and storm off in my car only to return 20 mins later having gone nowhere. he knows now that i can never always be happy. he knows that i create drama and fights as a way of fighting off my aging, my taking on of all the responsibility. he lets me cry when i see injustice and he tells people how special i am because of it. he gives me the remote. he is fair, he is honest, and kind. he will go out in the middle of the night, under any condition, to get me anything i want or need. he is spontaneous and predictable. there are sounds he makes that soothe me. i can't sleep without him next to me. he is my world.

all my life i longed for someone who would treat me better than i thought i deserved. i get scared sometimes because he loves me too perfectly and i don't know how to accept it. there is nothing i could do that would make him stop loving me. i've tried.

his body is a masterpiece, a soap-opera-calvin-klein-ad flesh of perfection. he is gorgeous. his hands are the wind crawling up my shirt. his hands on my skin are every hollywood moment i longed to have, but better because they are with him.

i grew up learning how to defend myself. i grew up thinking i wouldn't find what i needed. i am grateful every day for the man who has married me. he would fight for my honor. he would stop a bullet for me. he is as soft laying next to me asleep as he is when holding my face.

i won't ever be upset about the decisions i make if i know they were for love of our lives together. i may be older, run a home, and have a busy job- but i am just really, and sometimes only, his girl. i would knock down a mountain with my bear hands just to see him. i would only be half of who i was meant to be without him. i am everything i always needed to be because of him.

2006-04-24, 11:48 p.m.
design by bluechicken

previous����next