living my own

i just spent a ridiculous amount of hours reading every entry i ever wrote. i do it about once a year and i think its important.

though i went from a basket case to a strong woman to an even stronger woman who was afraid of everything back to a basket case and eventually turned into a calmer version of myself, there is a tremendous amount of consistency in my writing. it is always honest. it is always written extemporaneously without editing. it is funny or sad and always true to the emotional state my life was in.

i'm fortune to have this tool to measure myself against. it was important for me to be able to see myself- just as i had forgotten who i was at 18 or 20. it was clear that i always knew where i was, and even though i didn't always want to, i always knew how to get myself into or out of any situation.

i am proud of the woman that i am and of who i've been. i'm proud of myself for never getting myself into situations i knew were too difficult to handle and for diving head first into ones i knew would ruin me because i thought it was worth it. i'm going to get the word "forte" tattooed on me. in italian it means "louder and stronger". regardless of the piercing intensity which i have always lived my life, there is always room for more- and i will always ask for it.

2005-09-05, 5:05 a.m.
design by bluechicken

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