steve and i were on our way home from the mall a few weeks ago when i urged him to pull over. i had spotted a sign for "pyschic readings" and i thought it would be fun for us to go in.

the house was respectable looking at first glance and we went to the front door. a man hanging lights told us to go to the back. just then a baby in nothing but a diaper came to the door and stared at us.

we walked around back, fighting the freezing cold, and were approached by a very disasterous looking hispanic woman. her teeth were on a slant, her hair was in a lopsided ponytail and she was wearing slippers. i wanted to leave immediately but she told us to wait. so we did.

steve and i sat on her dilapitated lawn furniture and surveyed the yard. there were child's toys turned over and scattered everywhere. there was filth and leaves on the patio and the side of the house. and most disturbingly there was a full garbage pail, uncovered, with tons and tons of diapers. we had nothing to do but laugh.

when the woman finally came out she invited us inside, and being inside was a nightmare. this welfare-esque home was masquerading itself as a psychic center with one vague drapery in the middle of the room, some incense and hypnotic music in the background. a customer, who mind you seemed very content with her services, was paying and departing. the woman in her slippers told us that it would be $70 each for a palm reading. i thanked her and told her we were just "pricing things out" and steve and i turned to leave.

she reeked of desperation and kept sheepishly dropping the price. we politely informed her that unless it would be $10, we weren't at all interested (and quite frankly wanted to get the fuck out of there). at this point one of her children has started to wail uncontrollably while the other wandered out barefoot into the cold, bare chested and diapered.

we were just at the car when she asked us to come back, that yes she would do it for $10. i felt awful for her.

are your children going to be with us during the reading, i asked? she said yes and i said we weren't interested. i could just imagine me: palm out, entranced and then her child coming over and wiping a booger on me.

steve and i could not control our conversation about what had just happened. it was hilarious to us that a housewife in slippers was allowed to proudly display a sign on her yard offering these services. she wasn't psychic. she didn't know anything about anything. she was just a woman who didn't like wearing formal footwear who was hoping to dupe suckers into believing she could tell them something they didn't already know.

what it really makes me think about is that customer who was leaving- whom i got the very clear impression from, that this was neither her first nor was it going to be her last trip to the diaper dugeon. makes me wonder what the hell her story is.

2005-01-14, 11:00 p.m.
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