my friend steven (that's not really how you spell his name, but i like it so this is how it goes) invited me to the wake of his grandfather. it had been a while since steven and i had a real long phone conversation like that, and it made me miss him like hell.

when i got to the wake, (wearing nothing but a chic wrap as a coat and freezing my ass off accordingly) i saw him sitting there in a nice blue tie-and shirt combination. his skin looked glowy and his eyebrows were perfect and i could've sobbed just looking at him. after hugging him and offering my sympathy, he ushered me around the room to meet any family of his i hadn't already. he walked with dignity and did introductions like a professional. on a few occassions as he spoke i saw tears start to swell up in him, but in an effort to be strong, quickly composed himself. he was mature and lovely and, maybe, how i've never seen him before. he smiled when it was appropriate and held his head down to the facts when the silence filled up. i was proud of him for how he comforted his family and for how even his clothes spoke volumes about his bravery.

the next day he called to thank me for coming, which was polite and kind and completely unnecessary like i told him. we talked again for another long time and it felt good. i've known him now for almost 10 years and through the deaths, the births and the aging calendars he has always been a vibrating vein under my leg- noticeable only when paid attention to. i love him for staying in my life and for allowing me to take off from time to time. the death of his mother's father has renewed my love of him. like they say, as everything dies, something new is born.

2004-02-04, 9:28 p.m.
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