figuring out your 20s

i'm not a very good woman, i don't think. i'm excellent at being a girl- this i know. but womanhood isn't all my thing just yet. i resent the curves of it, the monthly bills of it. i feel stifled by responsibility and make use of the color pink the way a child does when they first discover its existence. i don't like doing dishes, i have other people do it, and apartment cleaning for me is using a dust rag around things, not under them. i still expect saturdays to be spent building forts, i still call my mom "mommy". i eat grilled cheese sandwiches, granola bars and candy. i have a total of 354 crayons in my apartment and not even one iron. i want to be little, i want to be carried around. the only thing i have about me that constitutes my womanhood is my high heels, and that's not enough really. i feel myself getting older and that's scary. i see marriage and homeowning in my future and that's scarier. i don't even know what a 401k is.

2004-01-06, 11:33 a.m.
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