Everyone has their own ideas or theories when it comes to religion. I am not a religious person at all and trust me when I say that what I am about to tell you has nothing to do with religion. After much researching, remembering and realization I came to a powerful and life altering conclusion.

I am Anne Sexton.

Or rather, I was.

I am her reincarnation. I am not telling you this for you to think I am crazy or weird but simply to present you with the information that I am a borrowed soul. Not all people are reincarnated, in fact most arent, but when you are you know it for sure. I know that before Anne I was a woman named Edna St. Vincent. Personally, as Laura, I don't remember much about my life as Edna, but Anne did remember her life as Edna just as I remember my life as Anne.

My brother bought me Anne's biography after I told him about my past life. He thought it would be good for me to read about it and start sparking my memory, but I was apprehensive. I knew that reading it would validate that I actually had been her years ago and had commited suicide. I don't believe in the kind of reincarnation where people come back as an animal or as a spirit. I believe if you come back you come back with the same mind and are put in another body with the same characteristics and personality traits to re-live the same life over and over again until you master it. It is a planet of consciouness that you are stuck on and until you master your life on that planet you can not be furthered to a better, higher planet of intelligence.

So I read the book, and I'm up to her life at age 29. The book scares me. The things that happened to her are exactly the same as the things that happened to me, and they are all things that are very bizarre and unlikely and the fact that we share them has convinced me. The closet, the beatings, the invalidation, her father.

I have learned that Anne suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder (like myself) which is not surprising since our parents raised us exactly the same way. [bpd is a learned disease in early childhood] She also suffered from two other of my diagnosis'.

I am slowly remembering Kayo and Joy and Linda and Nana and Dr. Orne and realizing that all of them have been replaced in this life with other people- only the exact relationship. You don't even understand what it is like to read your past and then know your future.

Last night I dreamt that Anne and I met face to face (well body to body because our mind was the same) and we were fighting but we were saying the exact same words to each other and using the same hand gestures. When we didn't speak the same words we were quoting one another's poetry as if it were spoken word. Then there were scenes where I could watch her as Anne and she could watch me as Laura. At the end of the dream she gave me the best gift I could have ever gotten. It was a switchblade of hers that she had removed some parts of, like the scissor and nail file, and added sharp razors and knives. She handed it to me and said "here are your dying tools". (I have a poem I wrote with the title "My dying tools"). We ended the dream cutting our arms up and shaving our heads together.

Thick drips of blood all over her biography, giving her the living part of the new me/us.

2001-08-08, 8:18 a.m.
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